Ben Does Life: The Column

Week 8.

By Ben Davis
Staff Writer

Do you want to know how cool I am?

One year ago, the best thing going on in my life was the fact that I had a level 97 Light Sorceress with 56,000 damage. She had matching Stones of Jordan and a perfect Maras.

I also had a paladin that could clear hell chaos alone and an amazon with over 25,000 attack rating. I know, I know… you’re jealous, and rightfully so.

It’s not a coincidence that the better my Diablo II account got, the more I weighed, and the lower my grades were. It turns out that spending 12-14 hours per day (yeah, really.) in front of a computer screen killing demons and archangels isn’t the best way to maintain a GPA and stay fit. I haven’t played since November and life is exponentially better.

While my addiction to these fantasy dungeon battles is definitely more nerdy, it’s just one of the several things that can inhibit life, health, relationships and academics.

How many people do you know that party way too much? How many classes have you skipped because you’re still pretty hung over? How many papers got put on hold because you were gossiping or flirting over Facebook chat? Most people can find a balance. But some people aren’t so lucky.

I have a pretty extremist mindset. When I get involved in something, I don’t just do it a little bit. It’s all or nothing. Sometimes this can be a good thing (doing life, down 85 pounds), other times, not so much (There’s a reason I’m #32 in America at “Mario Kart: Double Dash!!”). The hours that I’ve put into meaningless things that I have nothing to show for almost forced me out my academic career and into the real world. My God, what a scary thought. Almost as scary as the fact that Diablo III is coming out next year and I am extremely curious. I have no urge to buy it right now, but what about when it comes out? I’ve been involved with Diablo since I was in 5th grade; can I just ignore it? I hope so.

Whatever our hobbies, we have to understand that they are just that, and not let them take over. We have to recognize early when we think we might be spending too much time with things that aren’t necessarily important and work to remedy the situation. Yeah you might be the best beer pong player on campus, you might beat all your friends at Madden, you might even have a level 80 death knight; but in the long run, does it really matter?

Yes, it’s true. These are our glory years. Have fun, date people, and get crazy every now and again, but do it responsibly. We all know people who have dropped out because of the bad decisions they’ve made. We have to find the balance. It’s essential.

Do good this week.

P.S. As an epilogue to last week’s dating column; I took a girl out on a legit date Friday night. She had a good time, I did too and we’re doing it again soon. No big deal.

Week 7.

By Ben Davis
Staff Writer

I have one job each week at The Echo. I have to come up with one idea to write my column about. That’s all. Sounds easy, right? Somehow, it’s not.

I’m supposed to have my column turned in by Friday at midnight. I’m pretty sure I’ve never turned it in on time. Campus Life editor Natalie Horton has been very patient thus far. And for that I thank her.

But in my defense, there’s something about writing personal things week in and week out that makes it tough. Coming up with interesting things about myself and my opinions? Even tougher. I’ve covered a lot of things so far in this column: getting involved in college; skipping less class; losing weight; racing adventures; mental happiness… So, this week while pondering potential topics, I was coming up with nothing. What have I not talked about? And then it hit me.

Dating and relationships.

My first thought (like yours, undoubtedly) was: “Ben, you moron, you don’t know anything about relationships. Obviously you can’t write about that.”

But then I got to thinking. There are plenty of writers out there that know everything about love, sex and relationships. There are countless magazines packed cover to cover with the same message, just regurgitated differently. Maybe what we, as a society, need is someone that doesn’t know anything. That’s where I come in.

I’ll preface by saying that aside from my one-week fling with Sheray Gunter in 11th grade (that ended when her quarterback boyfriend threatened to kill me), my experience in love is limited to a four-year relationship that started out spectacular, continued strong, and eventually went down in flames. Not coincidentally, it ended about the same time I was locking myself in my room and eating nothing but Hot Pockets. Shocking, huh?

I learned a lot from the relationship with my ex-girlfriend (for our purposes, we’ll call her “Tara”). She and I are still on great terms, but I’ve learned a lot since then as well.

I’ve tried dating a few times since Tara. Some ended early with the girls not being interested, others ended after a few weeks when the girl told me that she couldn’t date me anymore because she believed I was going to Hell when I died. With the exception of crazy-girl, it was hard, initially, to be told that they didn’t want to date me. Of course it was hard. I put myself out there, and was rejected. No one likes to be rejected. All sorts of questions arise:

“Why did she say no?”
“What is it about me that she doesn’t like?”
“She dated him, but she won’t date me?”

It becomes a self esteem issue. We blame ourselves. We feel inadequate. But I’ve realized something. Sometimes there just isn’t a connection. There’s no explanation, it’s just not there, through no fault of your own. I think it’s important to realize this and, assuming you don’t have some psycho-creeper personality flaw, just keep your head up. Sometimes there’s an attraction, sometimes there’s not. Don’t spend hours dwelling on why he or she doesn’t feel the same way for you, don’t sit and think about how you can change yourself.

When it comes down to it, you want to find someone who is attracted to you because of who you are. It would take way too much energy trying to be someone else.

Yes, I realize that by telling you to just “Be yourself,” I have just told you what every other relationship column ever published has told you. But it never hurts to hear it again. Perhaps I will submit to Cosmo.

p.s. If you don’t learn anything else from this column, know this: Girls aren’t impressed when you ask them out via text. Not even if you make an ironic quip about asking them out via text. Trust me.

Do good this week.

Week 6.

by Ben Davis
Staff Writer

April 1st was the three-month mark of my doing life. Each time a month passes, I look at my situation to see how I am different than I was in the beginning.

It’s good to go back and see what I wrote at the beginning, like on Jan 7 when I said: “I jogged for 10 minutes tonight without stopping … I was extremely tired when I got done but at least I didn’t stop. If I had to guess, I’d say it was 8/10 of a mile.” Funny.

To be fair, that was my third day of working out after having not exerted physically in over a year. Saturday I ran my first official 10K. I finished it in under an hour. 59:53 to be exact. Good enough for third place in my age group (20-24) so what if there were only four runners in the age group, an award is an award and if pride wasn’t a deadly sin, I’d be proud of myself.

As a side note, remember in “The Office” season four premiere when they ran in the fun-run 5K and Andy’s nipples bled? Yeah, that actually happens. Don’t wear a cotton T-shirt when you race. Trust me. Ouch. OK, enough about that…

When I first started changing my lifestyle, I made a list of things I’d like to achieve. A set of goals to serve as something that I could look at on a regular basis so as to keep me motivated. The list includes the cliché “maintain a healthy lifestyle,” and “eat healthy and nutritiously,” etc, but I’m talking more about the tangible and fun goals.

A few noteworthy ones:
1. 220 pounds. Started at 358. Currently 283.
2. Size 34 pants. Started at 50. Currently 40.
3. Size Large T-shirt. Started XXXL. Currently XL.
4. Fast mile time. Started 11:44. Currently 7:12.
5. Complete a pull-up. Started: couldn’t. Currently: can’t.
6. Don’t die early. Started: On pace. Currently: Less on pace.
7. 100 pushups without stopping. Started: 13 Currently: 32
8. Do a backflip. This is more of a lifelong goal that I put in to remind myself that I really want to do one.

It’s awesome to see these physical improvements, but I think more importantly, I’m feeling exponentially better about life emotionally; it’s like I’m excited to wake up and get out there. Last year I locked myself inside - my old roommate can attest to this. I would come home from class, walk straight to my room and stay until class the next day. I didn’t care about anything, or anyone for that matter. I even lost a four-year relationship as a direct result of the depression. It was a pathetic, miserable situation.

I wrote a letter the other day. It sounds dorky, but it was to my future self, reminding me that I’ve never been happier than I am now and that if I ever feel like falling back into my old lifestyle, to remember 2008 and that we don’t want to go back. It’s true. Yes, Chili’s chicken crispers are really good. But only for a moment. Lounging around can be relaxing, but not if it’s all you do. Life is better when doing life right: physically, emotionally, academically… everything. I need to remember that.

So, three successful months down, here’s to hoping that the next 840 can be as good. Yes, I want to live until I’m 92, apparently. Do good this week.

Week 5.

by Ben Davis
Staff Writer

My watch beeps at the top of every hour. Usually I don’t notice it; but on March 21st, I heard every single one of them.

While most students were leaving UCA on Friday March 20th to paradise islands, casinos and cruise ships to exotic lands, my brother Jed and I were packed into his truck headed to Natchez Trace State Park in central Tennessee. We got a late start because I couldn’t skip class because I gave it up. Who doesn’t skip their last class the day spring break starts?! No one but me, I assure you.

But, I guess this story actually starts back on January 12th. Jed and I were working out at the fitness center, riding a stationary bike when he looked at me and told me what I’d be doing on my first day of spring break.

“I signed us up for an adventure race. It’s in Tennessee on March 21st,” he said calmly, like it was normal.

“What?!”

You see, Jed and my father have done adventure races for years, and I had heard horror stories about them. Hours and hours of walking, running, biking, canoeing, zip lining, falling, flipping over handle bars, blisters on top of blisters, none of their stories were ever good. And here I am, tipping the scales at 350-plus and he’s telling me nonchalantly that I am going to spend 12 hours doing a 40 mile adventure race, and that he signed us up AND paid for it already? Sketchy.

“Yeah,” he said. “It’s going to be fun.”

It turns out that the two months between that conversation and the day we left for Tennessee would provide me enough time to get into some semblance of shape. We worked hard those two months, and by the time spring break got here, I was actually starting to slightly look forward to it.

We arrived for check-in about 45 minutes before it closed. The guy looked at me curiously when I told him my T-shirt size was extra-large. His curiosity was justified. I was still XXL, but it wouldn’t be long, so I figured I might as well get a head start. After a carb-packed dinner (pizza buffet) we got to our cabin and went to bed early since the race started at 7 a.m. the next morning.

The way adventure races work is that the directors give each team a map and a list of coordinates, latitude/longitude style - 30 in this case. Each team plots the points - I say team, but I had nothing to do with it. Jed did it all - and then spends the next 8-12 hours tracking down each checkpoint in a series of biking, trekking, and canoeing. Sounds easy enough, right? It’s not.

You don’t know frustration until you’ve walked around in a 400-meter circle through a forest looking for a red and white stick attached to a tree for an hour and a half while getting your legs ripped to shreds by thorns because your brother conveniently forgot to tell you it’d be a good idea to wear pants. And that was only the third checkpoint. We had 27 left to go.

The next 10 hours were spent biking uphill and through forests, walking through muddy ponds, kayaking miles and miles with blistered hands and painstakingly jogging the last 800 meters of the race only to finish less than a minute behind a team we had rivaled and fought with all day. We experienced bike malfunctions, shady teams using GPS and not-so-honest people along the way. At one point, we found a racer that had gotten lost, we let him know where his team was so he could reconnect with them, only to have him lie to us about where a checkpoint was. It cost us 30 minutes.

The Natchez Trace Adventure Race was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done - both physically and mentally. But we managed to find every checkpoint, not something every team could say that day. We managed to finish 54 minutes under the deadline. We managed to stay sane and even had a few laughs along the way.

My body ached for 48 hours after the race. My legs were so completely covered in cuts and scratches that I could barely walk. My back was seized up from carrying 20 pounds of equipment all day. And have you ever sat on a bike for five hours? Try it sometime. Tell me how your butt feels afterward.

While I’m not sure I can agree with Jed when he said “It’s going to be fun.” I will say that it was an extremely satisfying experience. One I’ll not soon forgot. And one that I quite possibly might do again. Just not anytime soon.

Week 4.

by Ben Davis
Staff Writer

While climbing Pinnacle the other day, my friend John and I were discussing the fact that the “newness” of my doing life has worn off.

It’s sort of true. I’ve lost 55 pounds, I’ve successfully completed an eight-week Boot Camp fitness class, I’ve even seen my mile time fall from 11:44 to 7:34, and while these things are all good and nice to look at, my success will inevitably slow down. Will my enthusiasm slow down too?

In my experience, one of the hardest parts about projects - whatever form they take - is keeping the fire going, even after the initial luster has worn off.

Relationships, new jobs, Christmas presents… everything is more exciting in the beginning. How do you keep the attitude going? How do you stop something from becoming a grind?

I’ve been going at this for two and a half months now and I’m really happy with where I’m at and how I’m doing, but the initial excitement is over, and there’s always the fear of “what’s next?” you know?

What’s going to happen when I hit my goal weight of 220? What’s going to happen when I can fit into the size-34 pants? What happens when I do a successful pull-up? Run a marathon?

It’s incredibly scary to think about getting there and then coming back. Gaining it all back. How would I handle it? Could I handle it?

The odds are against me and I understand this. The huge majority of people that lose a significant amount of weight gain it all back. And of those people, a majority of them gain more.

Could I be looking at 400 pounds? It sounds crazy, but it’s realistic.

I would like to think that I am mentally prepared for the maintenance portion of doing life. I’d hope that I am in control enough that I would be able to identify problems when they begin to happen, and work to fix them, but who really knows? I don’t. The truth is, I’m petrified of the end. Ben Does Life can’t really happen in the “post-losing” era can it? Doing this column and my blog has kept me motivated: the comments, the support, the ideas… But what about when it’s gone?

The races that my brother Jed and I are involved in, the classes we do, the hikes up Pinnacle Mountain, and the nightly jogs with friends are incredible and I feel like those are the things that will help keep me motivated, keep me on track. Those are the key to “maintaining life.”

At least I hope.

I still have a long way to go. And even when I get there, the hard part will only just be starting. This isn’t “Ben Does Six Good Months.” It’s about life.

I’m making a change here for the better. It needs to be a permanent change. I hope I can make it stick; I would hate to see where I end up if I don’t.

Week 3.

by Ben Davis
Staff Writer

I was perusing Facebook the other day and noticed that one of my friends had given up Facebook for Lent. Her status was - appropriately - “AFK, Lent.”

While I won’t use this column as a forum to discuss my own beliefs or personal doctrines, I will say that I was intrigued about giving something up for Lent. I also figured it could serve as an enhancement to my doing life.

I made a list of prospective things to give up. I wanted to make sure it was something that would positively affect my life, not something arbitrary like popping my knuckles or biting my fingernails. I had quite a few ideas listed, but there was one that was sticking out the most. It’s also the one that I wanted to do the least, confirming to myself that it was probably the right decision.

I would give up skipping class.

My five current teachers can affirm that this is probably a good idea. I’m the student that immediately turns the syllabus to the absence policy on the first day of class. And classes with teachers that don’t take attendance? Those are dangerous territory for me.

I consider myself a relatively smart guy. However, I also consider myself to be on the lazier side of the bell-curve. I scored well on my ACT, so you can imagine my surprise when I got rejected from the University of Arkansas the summer before I was supposed to start college. I hadn’t even applied anywhere else. It turns out that my 1.9 GPA wasn’t too impressive, and that colleges look at work ethic over potential intelligence. It’s a good thing UCA took me under their wing, and I’m glad I didn’t end up in Fayetteville.

Of course, before I started college I told myself that I was going to change my habits. I was done with high school and I was going to turn over a new leaf. I was going to attend every class, take thorough notes and be engaged in all discussions.

Nope.

After my first semester, I got the letter saying I was on academic probation. I needed to bring my GPA above a 2.0 or I would be kicked out. So, of course, I hit 2.0 right on the head, enabling my academic career to continue another semester. And so it went, a semester on academic probation followed by a semester off and so on and so forth. I even found out what happens when you don’t register the 2.0 requirement. They have a special class for these people called UCAN. Believe me, you don’t want to find out what it’s like.

The world is full of people that do just enough to get by, and while these people have more free time, are better at video games and get to party more, they aren’t the people that make something great of themselves. It’s taken a while but I’m learning it. I’ve learned that absence policies aren’t there to let me know how many classes I should miss, and that staying after class to ask teachers questions gives me an advantage. I haven’t quite caught on to how to conjugate Spanish verbs correctly yet, but I’m working on it.

Doing life isn’t about doing the bare minimum. I’m learning it. I just hope I’m not learning it too late.

So that’s where I’m at. No skipping class until Easter. Probably a good choice, right, Señora Barr?

Week 2.

by Ben Davis
Staff Writer

Have you ever heard of the loser section of Christian Cafeteria? Chances are you haven’t. Probably because I made up the name.

I sat in the loser section for the two years that I had a meal plan here. It’s strategically located near the dishwasher, behind panels so no one can see you sitting there. Pretty depressing, right? Not at the time. I was new to college and petrified. It was intimidating. I was scared I would see people I sort of knew. The whole “Do I sit and talk? Do I just nod the head? Do I say ‘what’s up?’” You know what I’m talking about. The awkward… Sitting in the loser section prevented these happenings.

I didn’t do college the right way. And now I realize I should have.

A couple weeks ago I was talking to a friend. Well, for the sake of full disclosure, it’s actually a girl that rejected my date proposal, but that’s beside the point. We were talking about when she was first coming to college and how people told her to make sure and get involved. She said that she heard horror stories of people who didn’t get involved, stayed to themselves and were miserable. I couldn’t help but relate to the hypothetical victims she spoke of.

I’ve been at UCA since the fall of 2004 and before joining The Echo last semester, have never been involved in any campus organization.

For me, it has all been related to being overweight. As a really big person, it’s affected my view of self. I‘ve felt inferior. In my mind, people didn’t want me around. I know, it’s pathetic and full of self pity, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

I’m not saying I regret my collegiate career thus far. For example, Without my non-social life I wouldn’t have worked my way up to #32 in America in Mario Kart: Double Dash!! But, my superior Karting skills aside, I wish I had gotten more involved earlier. I wish I had made more friends during my tenure here.

As I’ve been losing weight, I’ve felt a little more and more confident as a person. I’m not as bashful. I don’t immediately head to the back of the classroom. An attractive girl in Boot Camp even laughs at my jokes every now and again.

Obviously, this isn’t going to strike a chord with everyone. Some people are natural introverts and that’s fantastic. But I know that there are students out there that are relating to this. I’m talking to you. You might be new to college; you might have just transferred. But I’m telling you, it’s not as bad or as scary as you think it is.

Get out there and do college. I wish I had. It doesn’t matter what it is. There are plenty of organizations: religious, Greek, academic, there is even an anime/manga club. If you decide to go the religious route, I hear you can get lunch for free each day of the week.

Btw, I weighed in Sunday at 310 pounds. Down 48. I’m sort of proud.

Week 1.

by Ben Davis
Assistant Campus Life Editor

When my editor first approached me about doing a weekly column, she asked me what my hobbies were and what theme it could have. My first thought was “Ummm… I don’t really have any hobbies.”

She told me that I should have an idea in five days, so I got to thinking.

The only interesting “hobby” I have is gambling, I use quotations because calling gambling a hobby is like calling smoking crack a leisure activity. I thought about gambling for my column theme before deciding that I didn’t want to be one of those guys. You know who I’m talking about… They are the ones that casually drop terms like “bank roll” into everyday conversation or say “I had pocket rockets, but they got cracked,” when recalling their “epic trip to Tunica.” It’s like they are on camera in some god-awful poker movie. Everyone knows this guy. You might actually be that guy. Sorry.

While it could be funny to write a weekly account of my time at the blackjack tables and the emotional roller coaster that accompanies it, I just couldn’t bring myself to be that guy. So scratch that.

After gambling, the only other thing I do is life and I’m still very much an amateur at it.

You see, I’ve been fat my entire life. It’s caused some painful moments, some humorous moments, and many, many awkward moments. Imagine being the token fat guy in a movie. Any time the writers need a cheap joke, they go to the big guy, because - honestly - it’s funny. What would Varsity Blues be without Billy Bob, right? This has been my life. But, this all has begun to change.

Over Christmas break I decided to get my life together. I weighed 360 pounds and it had gotten to be too much. I don’t know if you’ve ever weighed 300-plus, but if your name isn’t Shaquille O’Neal, it’s a pretty crap time. Chairs aren’t big enough, seatbelts don’t wrap all the way, doorways are too narrow, etcetera etcetera. No fun.

Over the past month and a half, I’ve been doing life. Eating right, working out, and just getting a general grip on my life. I still skip too much class and forget to do homework, but one thing at a time, right? I’ve enrolled in a class called Boot Camp, which is - somehow - worse than it sounds. I’ve climbed Pinnacle four times, which doesn’t sound too impressive, but pushing the equivalent of two normal men up a mountain isn’t the easiest thing in the world…

I’m down 40 pounds and although I still have a staggering 100 pounds to go, things are looking up. No, I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life, I don’t know when I’m going to graduate, and I’m not even sure what my classification is (I think I’m at the tail end of junior, making my way to senior), but that’s not the issue.

This column will not be a pity party from the overweight assistant campus life editor. It won’t be an inspirational weekly anecdote for you to gain some grand enlightenment. It most definitely will not be a weekly sermon on how you should get your act together. It will simply be an account of what exactly goes into getting one’s life back together: the nuances, the interesting moments, the funny circumstances… I’m not completely sure what else; I’m not even completely sure how to write a column, but I guess that’s what you get when you assign me to do one. (Right, Aprille?)

I’ll do my best to keep it entertaining. I’ll be sure to keep it completely honest and not censor stuff, even when at risk of sounding like a loser. I’ll try to make you smile and laugh. I will absolutely try to sound interesting with hopes that the ladies will notice me. (Here’s to dreaming.)

So, check back each week, and if you’re really interested (or just have nothing else to do) follow me daily at www.bendoeslife.tumblr.com (It’s my column, I can self advertise all I want) See you at the HPER.