Week 1.
by Ben Davis
Assistant Campus Life Editor
When my editor first approached me about doing a weekly column, she asked me what my hobbies were and what theme it could have. My first thought was “Ummm… I don’t really have any hobbies.”
She told me that I should have an idea in five days, so I got to thinking.
The only interesting “hobby” I have is gambling, I use quotations because calling gambling a hobby is like calling smoking crack a leisure activity. I thought about gambling for my column theme before deciding that I didn’t want to be one of those guys. You know who I’m talking about… They are the ones that casually drop terms like “bank roll” into everyday conversation or say “I had pocket rockets, but they got cracked,” when recalling their “epic trip to Tunica.” It’s like they are on camera in some god-awful poker movie. Everyone knows this guy. You might actually be that guy. Sorry.
While it could be funny to write a weekly account of my time at the blackjack tables and the emotional roller coaster that accompanies it, I just couldn’t bring myself to be that guy. So scratch that.
After gambling, the only other thing I do is life and I’m still very much an amateur at it.
You see, I’ve been fat my entire life. It’s caused some painful moments, some humorous moments, and many, many awkward moments. Imagine being the token fat guy in a movie. Any time the writers need a cheap joke, they go to the big guy, because - honestly - it’s funny. What would Varsity Blues be without Billy Bob, right? This has been my life. But, this all has begun to change.
Over Christmas break I decided to get my life together. I weighed 360 pounds and it had gotten to be too much. I don’t know if you’ve ever weighed 300-plus, but if your name isn’t Shaquille O’Neal, it’s a pretty crap time. Chairs aren’t big enough, seatbelts don’t wrap all the way, doorways are too narrow, etcetera etcetera. No fun.
Over the past month and a half, I’ve been doing life. Eating right, working out, and just getting a general grip on my life. I still skip too much class and forget to do homework, but one thing at a time, right? I’ve enrolled in a class called Boot Camp, which is - somehow - worse than it sounds. I’ve climbed Pinnacle four times, which doesn’t sound too impressive, but pushing the equivalent of two normal men up a mountain isn’t the easiest thing in the world…
I’m down 40 pounds and although I still have a staggering 100 pounds to go, things are looking up. No, I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life, I don’t know when I’m going to graduate, and I’m not even sure what my classification is (I think I’m at the tail end of junior, making my way to senior), but that’s not the issue.
This column will not be a pity party from the overweight assistant campus life editor. It won’t be an inspirational weekly anecdote for you to gain some grand enlightenment. It most definitely will not be a weekly sermon on how you should get your act together. It will simply be an account of what exactly goes into getting one’s life back together: the nuances, the interesting moments, the funny circumstances… I’m not completely sure what else; I’m not even completely sure how to write a column, but I guess that’s what you get when you assign me to do one. (Right, Aprille?)
I’ll do my best to keep it entertaining. I’ll be sure to keep it completely honest and not censor stuff, even when at risk of sounding like a loser. I’ll try to make you smile and laugh. I will absolutely try to sound interesting with hopes that the ladies will notice me. (Here’s to dreaming.)
So, check back each week, and if you’re really interested (or just have nothing else to do) follow me daily at www.bendoeslife.tumblr.com (It’s my column, I can self advertise all I want) See you at the HPER.
