Week 7.
By Ben Davis
Staff Writer
I have one job each week at The Echo. I have to come up with one idea to write my column about. That’s all. Sounds easy, right? Somehow, it’s not.
I’m supposed to have my column turned in by Friday at midnight. I’m pretty sure I’ve never turned it in on time. Campus Life editor Natalie Horton has been very patient thus far. And for that I thank her.
But in my defense, there’s something about writing personal things week in and week out that makes it tough. Coming up with interesting things about myself and my opinions? Even tougher. I’ve covered a lot of things so far in this column: getting involved in college; skipping less class; losing weight; racing adventures; mental happiness… So, this week while pondering potential topics, I was coming up with nothing. What have I not talked about? And then it hit me.
Dating and relationships.
My first thought (like yours, undoubtedly) was: “Ben, you moron, you don’t know anything about relationships. Obviously you can’t write about that.”
But then I got to thinking. There are plenty of writers out there that know everything about love, sex and relationships. There are countless magazines packed cover to cover with the same message, just regurgitated differently. Maybe what we, as a society, need is someone that doesn’t know anything. That’s where I come in.
I’ll preface by saying that aside from my one-week fling with Sheray Gunter in 11th grade (that ended when her quarterback boyfriend threatened to kill me), my experience in love is limited to a four-year relationship that started out spectacular, continued strong, and eventually went down in flames. Not coincidentally, it ended about the same time I was locking myself in my room and eating nothing but Hot Pockets. Shocking, huh?
I learned a lot from the relationship with my ex-girlfriend (for our purposes, we’ll call her “Tara”). She and I are still on great terms, but I’ve learned a lot since then as well.
I’ve tried dating a few times since Tara. Some ended early with the girls not being interested, others ended after a few weeks when the girl told me that she couldn’t date me anymore because she believed I was going to Hell when I died. With the exception of crazy-girl, it was hard, initially, to be told that they didn’t want to date me. Of course it was hard. I put myself out there, and was rejected. No one likes to be rejected. All sorts of questions arise:
“Why did she say no?”
“What is it about me that she doesn’t like?”
“She dated him, but she won’t date me?”
It becomes a self esteem issue. We blame ourselves. We feel inadequate. But I’ve realized something. Sometimes there just isn’t a connection. There’s no explanation, it’s just not there, through no fault of your own. I think it’s important to realize this and, assuming you don’t have some psycho-creeper personality flaw, just keep your head up. Sometimes there’s an attraction, sometimes there’s not. Don’t spend hours dwelling on why he or she doesn’t feel the same way for you, don’t sit and think about how you can change yourself.
When it comes down to it, you want to find someone who is attracted to you because of who you are. It would take way too much energy trying to be someone else.
Yes, I realize that by telling you to just “Be yourself,” I have just told you what every other relationship column ever published has told you. But it never hurts to hear it again. Perhaps I will submit to Cosmo.
p.s. If you don’t learn anything else from this column, know this: Girls aren’t impressed when you ask them out via text. Not even if you make an ironic quip about asking them out via text. Trust me.
Do good this week.
